Bah Humbug

Two more days till Christmas and I am still grinchy AF. I honestly think what I am experiencing has nothing to do with the holiday, I've been consulting Dr. Google and we've decided I may be experiencing a case of seasonal depression. No offense to people who have actually been diagnosed by a real physician, all my symptoms match then again so does those of mesothelioma. 

Nevermind that I have been working overtime and don't get enough rest, I just haven't been feeling like my self.

November was crazy and the best month so far. My daughter her new beau and one of my best friends and mentors surprised me with a visit just in time for Mikey's birthday.  I was crazy busy cooking but they jumped in and helped, it was just like old times. Which in retrospect has made me miss them all the much more.  My apartment has not yet recovered, I have yet to shampoo the carpets and organize the kitchen but I just can't get my ass back in gear. Thanksgiving was good, just the two of us as always. I am finally mastering the art of cooking for two, we didn't have leftovers for months this time. 

December has had some ups and downs my daughter was supposed to come and stay for a couple weeks but she was laid off and got stuck on cat sitting duty while her sperm donor ran off to Europe to get married to his fake fiance. (That's a long story for another day!)

So that's part of my sadness, I was looking forward to spending time with her. I miss my kids tremendously and I am beyond grateful at least one of my children still allows me to be a part of their lives. My mom was also supposed to visit over the Thanksgiving holiday but she broke her arm and wasn't able to make it. 

For the past few years, Mikey has been the grinchy one not wanting to celebrate anything so this year I didn't fight him. I put up lights in my office and the little decorations I have without making a fuss, and to my surprise, Mikey was somehow magically filled with the Christmas spirit. He surprised me with a tree and he got me a bunch of presents. I, of course, did not budget for the holiday so I have had to scramble to get him a few things. I went all out for his birthday since I thought he wouldn't want to celebrate again this year. I got him a Gucci wallet and his party was expensive. He keeps telling me he wants nothing and that I deserve to be spoiled. I am just happy because little by little my wish came true and I am getting my old sweet Mikey back. 

But even with all that going on I still can't get into it, I feel like something is missing. Oh and to top it off his mom who has not been around for the last few years, with good reason her fiance had stage four cancer and she has been busy taking care of him. So out of nowhere she is coming into town and wants to learn to make tamales and pozole. Which translates to I am making pozole and tamales for Christmas! Again I am happy but then again I'm not. In a couple of hours, we are going shopping for everything needed and I am so unmotivated. I have about an hour left of my shift and need to take a break so I can shower and look like I care so I better get my butt moving.