Finding my own way...

I had a little breakdown on Tuesday, the stress of letting people back in your life. Opening up and reaching out after reconnecting and having them ghost you again got to me. It slowly started to cause me major anxiety, and on top of that dealing with being alone eighteen hours a day finally made me explode. I tend to hold things in a lot, I don't like to burden others with my problems. Obviously, that technic has not gone well for me in the past so I decided to try a different approach. I reached out to my best friend. Ironically he is going through a transformation of his own, he decided to try eating clean, exercising and just being overall a more positive person. He and I are so much alike, our friends and family are dropping like flies, so we have found ourselves alone for the first time in a long time. Yes, we have each other, but we live in two different states hours away. We can't just go out for coffee or hang out anytime we want to, and it sucks. So we decided to make our selves accountable to each other in our struggles to change our situations. It's been a few days and I can honestly say its helped me so much. We WOMP (Whats on my plate) pictures of each other's plates, I learned that term when I once upon a time gave Fit Girls a try. You basically challenge someone via text message or the gram with #WOMP and the reply with a picture of whats on their plate. It works when you know you have to be accountable to another person. We send each other daily mantras and fun music and work out videos. He sends me the funniest videos he likes to make. I'm really not into recording my self but I might just do it to make him laugh.

The monsoon season has begun and it's been cloudy every day so that might also be affecting my mood. Maybe just maybe normally I love the rain, lightning, and thunder. Today the sun was out nice and bright so I decided to check out the free Zumba class that our complex offers and check out the temp in the pool. I skipped Zumba, it was three women in the clubhouse jamming out with a room full of people trying to celebrate a baby shower, awkward! I walked straight to the pool, the water was so nice and warm! So I went back to my apartment changed, picked up a towel and some water and spent a few hours sitting there enjoying the sun. Now if you knew anything about me you would know that's a huge step for me. We've lived here for over two years and today was the first time I went in the pool and or hung out there by my self! I can't swim and I hate cold water, and I don't feel comfortable hanging out in public places by my self. It was great! The only thing missing besides Mikey was my floatie, my little lungs don't hold enough air to fill it up. Oh well, next time! Because yes there will definitely be a next time! Fuck what anyone else thinks imma do me!